Transition... for me is a dreaded thing. Which according to some is then sinful because you're in a state of worry vs. trust and contentment. I've been through so many transitions in my 51 years, but especially the last 4 years, that one would think I would have gotten used to it. Granted some transitions have come easier than others, but I must say, this one has and continues to be the hardest in recent memory.
In the early days of our marriage, Bill was busy climbing the corporate ladder, which has it's own transition challenges -- changing jobs within the same company, changing companies or moving from one city to another, each taking their toll on the family in various ways. In those days, I was busy homeschooling young children so I had a lot to distract me, but it was still always stressful adjusting to the new schedule, the rhythm of the new home, making new friends and finding a church home.
For the life of me, I can't understand why this one has been more difficult. I don't think it's just leaving Texas, because we lived in Louisiana from July 2006 to August 2007. I don't recall being homesick for The Lone Star state then like I am now. Maybe deep down, I knew it wasn't permanent. And besides, Texas was right next door. We could visit easily if we had a mind to.
We were watching the TV Mini-series Lonesome Dove a couple of weeks ago, and all of a sudden it struck me, I'm not a Texan anymore! A sadness came over me like I've never felt before. I never realized how much, Texas was a part of me personally. Strange. Now I'm a California Girl?? Doesn't even look right.
Then there's the new home adjustment. What is it that causes a particular dwelling to have specific rhythms about it? Other houses and apartments, we would get moved in, and it's like I belonged there all along. I'd roll into the rhythm with barely a hic-cup. But this house, is different. I just can't seem to feel at home. I can't get warm, or feel cozy.
The biggest struggle no doubt, has been missing my friends and family who are spread across the country. I have some wonderful friends but for some reason I hate making new friends. What is it? The starting over process... the possibility of rejection-that maybe no one will want to be my friend? I don't know. At one time, I had to start the process with the people who are currently my friends, what's different now? Is it part of this season of life? 50's? Wouldn't it be nice, if with the new job and new home you had a package deal -- a new church with new friends already picked out for you... seems like a good idea. Well, anyway, enough conjecture... This week I finally found a women's bible study that starts Feb. 3rd. When the leader called me back in response to my email, she told me about he own difficulties of getting adjusted when she moved here. So maybe, God has already found my new friend for me. What to do until then??
Well... thankfully, today, I found the box with my Joyce Meyer collection of videos and cd's! Praise God! Joyce to the rescue once again! I know what I will be doing for the next few days, soaking up a good dose of "Grow up!" from Joyce. I'll feel much better in no time.